The Dumb Dictator and the Adventures of Pinocchio
‘You can call me dumb, and you can call me a dictator if you want,’ he said, grinning like a big fat Cheshire cat. And that’s how he got his nickname, the Dumb Dictator, even if he was elected.
One ex-insider described it as: ‘like working for a spoilt child. Policy briefings were contextualised into stories, a bit like fairy tales, so he could understand the good, the bad and the ugly.’
And it was one such story that captured the Dumb Dictator’s attention more than any other. Ignoring the analogy regarding accelerating inequalities, he instead focused on the nose of Pinocchio, which all ways got longer the more the wooden boy told lies.
During the Dumb Dictator’s regular medical check-up, he asked his personal physician to measure the length of his nose. He wanted to know if its length was normal. His physician reassured the Dumb Dictator that his nose was a very impressive proboscis, reminiscent of the great kings of antiquity, and an obvious sign of high intelligence.
Although
the Dumb Dictator was satisfied with the affirmation of his physical attribute,
he still wanted his physician to measure the length of his nose as part of his
regular health checks.
Speaking
‘truth’ to the Dumb Dictator was ill advised, but the physician felt he had
some leeway, whereby he could discourage a potential delusional trait from
emerging.
So,
he said: ‘The true story of Pinocchio is not the way Disney tells it,
but was written by Carlo Collodi, over a hundred years ago. The moral of the tale
is that children do not like to have their behaviour corrected by people who
know much more than they do.’
The
Dumb Dictator appeared to listen, so his physician continued: ‘The first thing
that Pinocchio does, when he becomes real and learns to walk, is to run away
from Gepetto, the shoemaker. Pinocchio then tells lies to other people,
convincing them that Gepetto has mistreated him, and this leads to the shoemaker
being imprisoned.’
‘I
agree with that,’ said the Dumb Dictator, ‘there is nothing worse than child
abuse.’
The
physician was used to the Dumb Dictator missing the point but sensed he could
articulate the moral integrity of the story a little further.
‘If
you remember in the Disney film, there was a talking Cricket who helps Pinocchio.’
‘Oh,
yeah, old blabber mouth!’
‘Well,
Pinocchio felt the same, and told the cricket to leave him alone. However, the
cricket was insistent. Pinocchio got so angry he threw a hammer, which hit the
little Cricket on the head and killed him.’
‘You
don’t say…’ said the Dumb Dictator wistfully.
‘Pinocchio
blames the cricket, because it was trying to tell him what to do. But then, the
talking Cricket haunts Pinocchio because it returns as a ghost. Again, the
Cricket tries to give good advice to Pinocchio, warning him not to get involved
with people who tell him that by planting gold coins they will get a tree of
gold. This was Pinocchio’s undoing, because the people who told him a crock of
lies, chased after him, tied a rope around his neck and hung him, saying: tomorrow
we’ll come back for you and you’ll be dead and your mouth will be open,
and then we’ll take the gold pieces that you have hidden under your
tongue.’
‘You
mean, they killed the guy just because he was trying to make some money?’
‘Well,
as in all such stories, there is a blue fairy that saves the puppet.’
The
Dumb Dictator appeared to reflect, then said: ‘Didn’t they hang Mussolini from
a lamppost?’
The
personal physician realised the Dumb Dictator was getting paranoid again.
‘I
think the point is that karma catches up with Pinocchio.’
‘Well,
whatever,’ said the Dumb Dictator. ‘Just make sure you measure my nose. I don’t
want it getting too big.’
END
Flash
fiction by Simon Marlowe, 14th May 2022
Words:
650
