Episode Two - the man who ate himself

I don’t know whether this is true, but I recently heard a story about a man who ate himself, how he ate almost everything apart from his hands, his arms, his torso and his head.

No one believed me, but they said: how can you do that? Well, I said, what I do know is he started having bits surgically removed.

But no doctor would do that!

They would if they were paid enough and he was a very rich man. They said he started on his toes, one after the other; then his feet, then both his legs. Of course, the big thing about it is, he did it, so he could eat himself. Every part removed was cooked by his personal chef. Flesh, bone and muscle, all made into a special stew, flavoured, so they said, by the rarest spices and herbs. The bone was crushed, and the flesh was wrapped around the marinated muscle. He said, it was the best food he had ever had, and that was why he became obsessed.

Then someone said: what’s that body thing… dysmorphia? Yeah, must have loathed himself, said another. It’s like suicide, but you do it slowly and surgically.

No, I said, it was the opposite: he loved his body so much that he wanted to eat himself. Instead of hating what he saw, he fell in love with his mirror image. He had to devour as much as he could, before stopping at the point where he would no longer exist.

That makes him a narcissist, came the reply. But he must be ugly now. Who would want half a man?

You’d be surprised, I said, and after all he is very rich.

I think, someone said, the moral of this story is that money does not buy you happiness.

Yes, it does, I said! He was happy. However distorted or sick he is, he had the money to do it. But none of us could do that. If I went to the GP they’d only give me pills or lock me up. They’d say, like you said, I had some body image problem, because no normal person would try to eat themselves.

But I don’t think he’s happy anymore, I said, because he’s had to stop. There’s not much left except for his hands and arms. Although I suppose there’s technology, because he’s had his legs replaced and they are bionic.

And then we started talking about something else. It was my turn to buy the next round of drinks. But I kept one hand in my pocket because I did not want anyone to see the bandage.